A Pirate at the Kennels

We eyeball Pirate, brick-sized, stubborn & bristling before us.

He cocks his head to one side, a mischievous glint in his eye as he absorbs our flustered aura.

His ancestors hail from Devon in southern England. If he could speak, we imagine a deliciously handsome Scottish brogue. This accent would complement the ginger markings framing his white snout and sneaking up and over his ears. A fiery ‘Ranga’ frame for his intelligent and lovable face.

“Ach, wee lassie, ye cannae tell me what to do. I am a free spirit. Ya ken?”

“Pirate”, Vanessa sighs, “you are a lovable larrikin, but you are also a bit stupid!”

He listens intently to every word. Satisfied, he swells and puffs a response. “Ye Nyaff!”

We grin and watch the stocky devil nimbly scurry away.

The little recalcitrant was retrieved from a yonderyard, where he saw fit to ‘lecture’ a much larger dog.

“If ye cannae play rough with me, ye big Gommy, then take that. Snap.

Familiar with Pirate’s style, we are on hand to nip his nips in the bud.

We now place him into solitary confinement to contemplate and reflect upon his poor behaviour.

He pauses and glances back at us, fixing his eye on Vanessa; with a grin, he woofs, “Brahmer!” Then, without further preamble, he scampers away to shout obscenities at his neighbours.

“Come here ye Lavvy Heid, and say that to me face, ye Eejit”.

Pirate’s ancestral training bubbles in his veins. The Wire-Haired Jack Russell was bred to hunt and harass, without necessarily harming, red foxes. No matter the burrow’s size or the hedges’ tangled weave, they could remain hot on a fox’s tail. This allowed the ‘sport’ deemed appropriate for gentlemen of the 1800s a lengthened chase.

Quick, curious, energetic and athletic are words to describe this breed, although the specimen before us is a tad chunkier than his distant cousins. 

When Pirate arrives for his board/holiday, a cooling-off period in a private yard helps, letting adrenaline bubbles abate. 

“It’s like a drug! Ya ken? And it makes me Doo-lally!”

Naturally, with 2-legged critters, he is a charmer. Unless you count the time, long ago, when his teen teeth sank into Vanessa’s fingers.

“Ach, I remember – ye should nae tried to get the ear out of my mouth, ye wee gowk!” 

“Really?” admonishes Vanessa. “The other dog wanted to keep it attached to their head, though!

“Spoilsport!” twinkles Pirate.

Pirate’s tolerance for small dogs is perfunctory and primarily impolite. He quickly pushes his snout into their face, every hair bristling with challenge.  Alarmingly, he looks very pufferfish-like. He desperately wants a reaction, one that he can chase. Most small dogs feel powerless in the face of such an intense personal invitation. Others quickly match his enthusiasm. Thus, a mini mutiny begins to brew.

Therefore, Pirate is best placed with playmates who are five times his size. Usually chunky and carefree Labradors or retrievers. He allows females to correct his manners and accepts their guidance graciously. However, tolerance for males is singular – they must be ‘just right’, neither too bossy nor overly submissive.

That is our aptly named Pirate!

“Eejit!” we hear a cry from afar. Of course, Pirate has the last word!